C. R. de Gernon writes comedic fiction inspired by the people, buildings, landscapes, and peculiar logic of Yorkshire life from a fortified potting shed. He writes in various persons as he identifies as plural. He explains that "I am one" and "the other is me," therefore the two of us are we. We currently live somewhere in the North where theological debates are typically settled over a pint.C. R. de Gernon is the 14th heir to a title that no longer exists and a fortune of vintage grass seeds.The images in this novella were created by myself using artificial intelligence. We apologise with mild reservation. Sadly, we suffer from a profound and irreversible inability to draw anything that does not resemble a startled turnip.If this offends your principles-or simply your taste-a more virtuous edition exists with the offending images removed. Unfortunately, you are holding the wrong one. Kindly return it at once and acquire the morally superior version.