'This isn't a Catholic country anymore,' someone proudly declared in a pub where Ellen Coyne was sitting.

Ellen had left the Church long ago, like many her age. But she had never stopped talking to God. Now, about to turn 30, she realised she wasn't quite ready for this declaration to be true.

Abandoning the Church had been an act of protest. However, Ellen began to wonder: who had really lost the most? Why should those who damaged the Church get to keep all its good bits, like the rituals, the community, a guide for living a better life and the comfort of believing it's not the end when somebody dies?

But how could she ally herself to an institution she doesn't entirely agree with? In her first book, a stunningly thoughtful and intelligent debut, Ellen Coyne tries to figure out how much she really wants to go back to the Church, and if it is even the right thing to do.

'Get ready – this is going to inspire a thousand conversations across Ireland about the role of the Church in our society and our future' Louise O'Neill

'I flew through this on a "will she, won't she?" knife-edge, all the while questioning my own attitude to faith and spirituality' Emer McLysaght

'Sings with sincerity … this is the book the church doesn't know it needs for its own survival' Justine McCarthy



Ellen Coyne is a news correspondent with the Irish Independent. She was previously Head of Politics with Joe.ie and a correspondent with The Times Ireland Edition. In both 2017 and 2018 she won the Newsbrands Ireland Journalism Award for political story of the year. A Waterford native, she lives in Dublin.