Juanita called it "The Crash."

Her counselor labeled it "a major depressive episode." Others called it a nervous breakdown. On the spiritual front, it was a dark night of the soul.

This experience landed Juanita, a busy pastor, mother, and community leader, in bed. When everything in her life finally came to a stop, she found that she had to learn to be—with herself and with God—all over again.

If you are longing for a trustworthy companion through your darkdays, this book is here for you. Each chapter includes life-giving spiritual practices to help you discover your own new ways of being.



Juanita Campbell Rasmus cofounded Bread of Life Inc. with her husband, Rudy. Together they previously copastored St. John's United Methodist Church in downtown Houston. Juanita has also served as a member of the board of directors of Renovaré. Shemost recently teamed up with Tina Knowles Lawson and Beyoncé to help forty thousand flood victims recover in the wake of Hurricane Harvey in Houston.



Foreword: Tina Knowles Lawson



1 The Stress of Living in a Do-Do-Do World

2 Who Am I?

INTERLUDE: AN ODE TO THE PRODIGAL BROTHER

3 The Hollow Bunny Rules

4 Perfectionism and the Good Girl

INTERLUDE: A FAMILY'S DILEMMA—REFLECTIONS OF RYAN AND RUDY

5 Could I Just Hit Bottom Already?

6 Finding My Being

INTERLUDE: DOING . . . DOING . . . DONE!

7 Getting Free of My Notions

8 What's Anger Got to Do with It?

INTERLUDE: DEPRESSION'SWARNING SIGNS

9 Letting Go of Judgment

10 Claiming a New Identity

11 Have-to Versus Want-To

INTERLUDE: HIKING A MOUNTAIN

12 Skydiving

13 Silence: The Place of Being

14 It's the Thoughts That Count

15 Doing . .. Doing . . . Undone

16 It's All Grace



Acknowledgments

Notes